Dearest Lover,

It’s almost 5 AM. We were high and sleepy and had just finished trying to interpret all the Japanese in Quentin Tarantino's Kill Bill without the subtitles.

And it was still raining. And you smelled like the cigarettes that you really should stop smoking. And the light was just right and I wasn’t wearing shoes. It was as if all the stars in the universe were aligned to ensure this moment of poetic literature.

All so I could climb into my bed at almost 5 AM and press my fingers against the cracked screen of my phone to type a note about how after almost 9 years you finally fucking kissed me.

About how I can’t remember if your hands were on my waist or around my neck. And how you kissed so hard. First on my cheek. Then on my mouth. Then down my throat. How I didn’t even realize I was on my tippy toes.

And I just now remembered that I had been waiting for this for forever. And right here was my childhood sweetheart, who hadn’t so much as kissed my cheek since 5th grade, kissing as if he had lost something and thought he might be able to find it in my mouth.

And it was just rain.

And the cold of 5 AM.

And our shadows plastered in the orange rectangle on the night. And the taste of smoke on my tongue–just like I always expected.

Your “Sorry for never kissing you before.” and my “It’s okay." 

Our good-nights and the birds’ good-mornings. The sun rising behind the clouds mixing their blacks into dark blues. This 5 AM.

This particular 5 AM. Where the stars finally cut me a fucking break and got into a fucking line long enough for this long overdue miracle to occur in the quiet sameness of this stupid town. 

This particular 5 AM with the rain and my pajamas and your hands who fucking knows where.

This particular 5 AM where you finally said it sober. 

And I am still in shock.

A

there’s a lot going on with this blog right now.

first of all, we’re moving to a new acount (x) and this one will be deleted in about a week. all of the letters from this blog will be on the new one, so as long as you follow that one, nothing is lost! it will still be run by yours truly, still have the same url and everything. if you need to contact me or want to submit more letters, please go on the new blog!!

in other news, something a little amazing and impossible has recently happened and i’ll post about that later tonight. 

ok so the blog is going to be under construction for a while. i’m trying to transfer to a completely new blog, sorry for the inconvenience!

Dearest Lover,

I hope she breaks your heart.

Not really. I don’t hope she will. You don’t deserve that. 

But she will anyways. She’s toxic and we all know. We all can tell.

And once the poison kicks in, I hope you can’t get my voice out of your head. When she rips you apart, I hope you remember that I loved you like the stars. Remember that I knew everything about you and loved you anyways.

I hope you think of how good I was to you.

And I hope that’s what breaks you.

M

Dearest You,

God it’s been years since I saw you and suddenly there you are looking shockingly beautiful. As always.

And I’m head over heels with you again.

All those boys I met during this past year fade into nothingness.

You, you, you. It’s always been you; it’ll always be you.

Yours,

A

yes it is. and if you’re looking for an update, i was in a school musical last night just like i was last year and my dearest lover did call me telling me sorry he couldn’t make it. and the boy that i last wrote about romantically and i are no longer together at the moment, so there’s another update. i just never seem to be with anyone on this date anymore lol. and that’s a little bit sad i think. 

aw, i miss you all too! nobody’s been really sending in letters anymore, so that’s why i’ve been gone for so long.

Dearest Lover,

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to listen to that playlist ever again. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to hear those lyrics without feeling that sting in my chest.

And that really fucking sucks.

You had such good taste in music.

J

Dearest Darling,

You are the reason I am broken down crying in a school bathroom stall.

“Look at THOSE lesbians.”

The reason my mother is sobbing into a couch cushion, “why you?”

Simply because we are both girls.

But you are always mine.

Dearest P.,

You don’t know this but I would’ve done everything for you. You were my heaven, my moon, my whole galaxy.

There’s no word I wouldn’t have said, no sentence I would’ve left unspoken. I’d have given you all of me, without thinking about it. But you never noticed or pretended not to notice.

Today, I wonder what could’ve been if you had been a little braver.

Forever yours,

C.